Greetings from Scott Turner: Curmudgeonly Perspectives

Greetings Pub Quiz Altar of Curmudgeonly Perspectives Acolytes...

Happy Holidays!

Good.  Now that that's out of the way, let's get to business.

It's Weasel Time.  Sorta like Giuliani Time, except less -- oh, never mind, it's just like Giuliani Time.

Droves and droves of weasels.  Don't worry...there's plenty of time this December to hang those stockings with care, light those menorah candles with verve, celebrate The Seven Principles of Kwanzaa with joy and mark Al-Hijra with clean-slate determination.

Weasel Time, it is, then...

Kiki Weaselweghe
The new coach of Bruce Ratner's 2-19 New Jersey Nets took over for his hapless predecessor, Lawrence Frank, when the team was 0-16 -- one game shy of tying the NBA record for most-consecutive losses to start a season.  A really dubious record that melds perfectly in Ratner's malfeasant professional acumen.

Except Weaselweghe didn't take over immediately.  Claiming he wasn't ready -- and that his Cyrano assistant coach Del Harris (who, unlike Weaselweghe, has NBA head-coaching experience) wasn't either -- Weaselweghe let sad-sack assistant Tom Barrise coach the Nets to their record-tying 17th loss and record-breaking 18th loss.  It's Barrise's name, not Weaselweghe's, on the record now.  Weaselweghe and Harris took over the following game.

Kiki Weaselweghe and Tom Barrise

Tiger Weasel
Well, it's now up to eight women in Tiger's litter box of joy. "Tiger lilies" is how the media is grouping them.  The final tipping point for Woods -- his endorsements -- has tipped.  Pepsi-owned Gatorade is dropping its Tiger Focus energy drink, saying the move was pre-planned and has nothing to do with Tiger's marital problems.

Elin Nordegren discovers golf-clubs work better than foreheads

Weaselade
...for claiming the move to drop Tiger Focus was pre-planned and has nothing to do with Tiger's marital problems.

...talk about the need for an energy drink!

Weasel Dobbs
The former CNN host who made immigrants his personal punching-bag -- scapegoating primarily Latinos for most of the nation's ills -- is trying to ingratiate himself to the Latino community now that he's, perhaps, running for office.

In an interview with Telemundo, Dobbs flip-flopped on years of immigrant bashing, claiming he now supports a plan to give status to millions of undocumented residents.  "Whatever you have thought of me in the past, I can tell you right now that I am one of your greatest friends and I mean for us to work together."

...just like Bruce Ratner really cares about low-income tenants and Mike Bloomberg cares about the city's working class communities.

Basta Dobbs, the organization that has fought Weasel Dobbs over his anti-immigrant hysteria, isn't buying it.

One of many Next Great White Hopes

The 37 Weasels in the New York State Senate
Thirty-eight state senators in Albany voted against same-sex marriage last week.  Thirty-seven of them uttered but a pithy, embarrassed "no" as they cast their vote.  The 38th no-vote was vociferously announced by Ruben Diaz, Sr.  A vitriolically homophobic minister, Diaz used the Bible as a flak-jacket.  For the others, if you're gonna deny civil rights, at least tell us why.  Does it ultimately matter?  No...but it does demonstrate that buried in these 37 psyches is a sense that they know they're wrong.

Diaz Sr.: Yes, the Bible says love they neighbor.  Thank God I don't want any homosexuals living next door to me...

Weasel Blatter
The head of international soccer's governing body, Blatter not only gamed the qualifying system to get undeserving big-shot teams like France and Portugal into next summer's World Cup.  He not only ignored blatant cheating by the French team in spite of FIFA's never-ending promotion of Fair Play values.  He not only stayed silent as the French soccer federation pithily dismissed international calls to replay the controversial France-Ireland match.  Blatter, in remarks to journalists in the days before last week's World Cup draw, made fun of the Irish for suggesting remedies for the stain left by the infamous Thierry Henry handball.

Making Blatter look even more weaselly were the actions of Italy's Ascoli soccer team this past weekend.  Ascoli's opponent, Reggina, tried to kick the ball out of bounds so that an injured player could receive treatment.  Ascoli mistakenly intercepted the goal and scored a goal.  Reggina players and fans were livid.  Ascoli, realizing their mistake, stood aside and let Reggina score a goal to catch up.  Ascoli lost the game 3-1, costing the club important points in the standings.

Blatter announces FIFA's new Fair Play Is For Simps campaign

WeaselESDC
Even though court cases remain, even though Bruce Ratner doesn't have the funding or the properties, even though the Atlantic Yards' flimsiness makes a house of cards look like Fort Knox, even though there are no plans for affordable housing or real numbers of jobs except for "hey, we'll get around to it, back off!," the WeaselESDC is forging ahead with evictions of residents and property owners in the Atlantic Yards footprint.  Indications are that eviction letters will be posted on Christmas Eve.

Weasel Time is an endless parade of proclivical miscreants.  While bottomless cups of coffee and all-you-can-eat deals are generally grand, this is a cornucopia we can do without.  If you have nominations for Weasel Time candidates, send 'em in.

In the meantime, there's a Season of Joy to be had...